STARS AND DOGS

DOG One of the key benefits of exchange-traded funds is diversification. For example, with the BMO Equal Weight Banks Index ETF, you get to experience the thrill of losing money on all the big bank stocks with one convenient purchase. With most Canadian banks reporting weaker second-quarter results amid rising loan-loss provisions, slowing loan growth and a cooling economy, the ETF posted five consecutive declines before rebounding Friday. Even with four of the five biggest banks raising their dividends, investors were giving banks a wide berth.

ZEB (TSX), $33.32, down 58 cents or 1.7% over week

STAR What the nineties boy band LFO sang in their hit, Summer Girls: “I like girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch.” What investors were saying this week: “I wish I’d invested in Abercrombie & Fitch.” Shares of the apparel retailer notched their biggest gain in more than four years after firstquarter results topped expectations, helped by higher prices, lower freight costs and a revival of the brand thanks to savvy marketing on TikTok and more inclusive clothing sizes and styles. With the company raising its fullyear sales forecast, A&F’s stock is suddenly hot AF.

ANF (NYSE), US$29.95, up US$7.09 or 31% over week

STAR How does ChatGPT work? Is there a person – not necessarily Santa Claus, but someone with similar powers – typing answers to everyone’s questions? Is it magic? Aliens? No, it’s thousands of specialized computer chips called graphics processing units, most of which are made by Nvidia. Driven by surging demand for its microprocessors used in chatbots and other artificial-intelligence applications, the company posted first-quarter results above expectations and projected second-quarter sales of about US$11-billion – more than 50-percent higher than Wall Street estimates. With the stock soaring on the news, Nvidia investors must be feeling very intelligent indeed.

NVDA (Nasdaq), US$389.46, up US$76.82 or 24.6% over week

DOG One of the side effects of smoking weed is paranoia. Turns out it’s one of the side effects of investing in WEED, too. Earlier this month, Canopy Growth said it will need to restate financial results for three consecutive quarters in 2022 after it found “material misstatements” regarding sales in its BioSteel sports drink business. Ever since then, investors have been overwhelmed by anxiety and suspicion that law firms are launching class-action lawsuits against the company, alleging that it violated securities laws. Only in this case, it’s really happening. Judging by the interminable drop in Canopy Growth’s stock price, a lot of investors are laying off the weed.

WEED (TSX), $1.20, down 25 cents or 20% over week

DOG There once was a business named Nikola No, not the cough drop, that’s Ricola With demand kind of stuck For its electric truck Investors were feeling quite sick-ola.

NKLA (Nasdaq), 59 US cents, down 17 US cents or 28.8% over week