RANKING THE FICTIONAL FILMS OF SUCCESSION

Ahead of Succession’s series finale on Sunday, here’s a rundown of all the parody titles mentioned over the show’s four seasons

The fictional world of Succession isn’t so hard to separate from our own. The Roy family’s Waystar Royco media empire is an obvious riff on Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. – ATN is Fox News, the New York Globe is the New York Post – with a dash of the Walt Disney Company, thanks to Waystar’s amusement park and cruise-line divisions.

But what to make of the least-mentioned, but frankly most fun, Waystar property? I’m of course talking about Waystar Studios, the Hollywood arm of the family biz that is mostly used on the HBO series as an excuse to slip in sight gags.

At first, it seems like Waystar Studios is simply a cracked-mirror version of News Corp.’s Twentieth Century-Fox Studio, which Murdoch sold to Disney a few years back. Yet by painstakingly examining Succession’s four-season run – I’m talking Reddit-level detective work here – I’ve been able to piece together the studio’s slate, revealing a company that’s a parody of every major Hollywood outfit in business today. Ahead of Succession’s series finale Sunday, here is a complete ranking of all the faux films mentioned on the show.

DODERICK AND FRIENDS

First referenced: Season 4, Episode 6

Elevator Pitch: Mickey Mouse meets Bugs Bunny

Background: Waystar’s cartoon mascot Doderick was introduced way back in Succession’s pilot, when Cousin Greg had to don the character’s costume while working in a Brightstar Adventure Park (high at the time, Greg vomited inside the suit). There have since been numerous references to Doderick-related intellectual property, including Doderick and Friends (its poster glimpsed during Kendall and Roman’s visit to Waystar Studios) and one unfortunate tweet from Lukas Matsson (“Doderick Macht Frei”) that riffed on the words on the gates outside Auschwitz (“Arbeit macht frei,” or “Work will set you free.”)

KALISPITRON FRANCHISE, INCLUDING KALISPITRON: DESTROYER OF MOONS AND KALISPITRON: HIBERNATION

First Referenced: Season 2, Episode 8

Elevator Pitch: Transformers meets Avengers

Background: One of Waystar’s most popular blockbuster brands, Kalispitron seems to involve robots, perhaps of an intergalactic variety. Over the course of the series, we learn Cousin Greg (easily the show’s most movie-mad character) is a closet fan of the sequel Destroyer of Moons (though it’s unclear whether that film is part two or an even deeper instalment down the series), and that the films are a big enough draw to be featured on the home page of StarGo, Waystar’s HBO Max-like streaming app. As Kendall and Roman try to tank the Matsson deal in Season 4, it’s also revealed that there are major problems with the latest sequel, Kalispitron: Hibernation, whose rough cut exceeds three hours.

THE BIGGEST TURKEY IN THE WORLD

First Referenced: Season 1, Episode 5

Elevator Pitch: Clifford the Big Red Dog meets Pete’s Dragon

Background: Back in the pilot of Succession, Roman was quite a different man from the fascist-cozying weasel we know today – he even had a wife and at least two kids. While the tykes were quickly written out of the series, his wife Grace (Molly Griggs) stuck around for a few episodes – albeit downgraded to the position of girlfriend – until she reveals to Roman she is a fan of The Biggest Turkey in the World. The comedy, whose poster depicts a giant turkey standing next to a smiling family, was one of Roman’s most hated projects during his brief stint at Waystar Studios, even though it became a Thanksgiving-timed holiday hit. And for the sin of liking the film, Roman dumps Grace.

MORONS

First Referenced: Season 4, Episode 6

Elevator Pitch: Minions for an even dumber world

Background: A gigantic poster for this animated film covers one side of a Waystar Studios building, depicting little brightly coloured critters who look suspiciously similar to the sidekicks of Universal Pictures’ Despicable Me franchise. Which suggests that, somewhere in Waystar’s catalogue, there must also be at least one film called Contemptible I, or something.

DR. HONK

First Referenced: Season 1, Episode 3

Elevator Pitch: Doctor Dolittle meets My Mother the Car

Background: Not much is known about this (presumed) comedy about “the man who can talk to cars,” other than it’s used as a tossed-off insult – are there any other kind on this show? – by Shiv when discussing Roman’s brief Hollywood career. I can picture it starring a young Turner & Hoochera Tom Hanks, though.

LEGENDS OF ENDTIME, DARKMOON, GIRL ZERO, DIRTY RIVER, AND MARY’S MINOTAUR

First Referenced: Season 4, Episode 6

Background: Kendall and Roman’s visit to Waystar Studios – in which Roman impulsively fires studio chief Joy Palmer (Annabeth Gish), who is perhaps meant to be a semi-veiled version of Universal Pictures chairwoman Donna Langley – offers a wealth of film-industry sight gags and Easter eggs, including posters for the above titles. Without anything else to go on other than their marketing one-sheets, Legends of Endtime seems to be a Marvel-style epic, Darkmoon a Blumhouse-like horror, Girl Zero a Christopher Nolan-y sci-fi thriller, Dirty River a David Fincher-esque murder-mystery and Mary’s Minotaur a Pixar-ready kids romp. (One caveat on that last movie: only the word “Minotaur” is fully visible, so I’m just assuming Waystar is using the Hollywood playbook of alliterative titles.)